UTK: Pokemon Platinum

By MrMean

(Still prefers to be called Mr instead of Dr)

6 months after the release in Japan, Gamefreak and Nintendo gratefully bring you Pokemon Platinum, a spinoff of Pokemon Diamond and Pearl. Pokemon Platinum takes place in the same region as Diamond and Pearl, heck it is the same game but with some minor, yet effective changes. Pokemon Platinum came out on on March 22nd.

Storyline

The storyline is pretty much the same as Diamond and Pearl. Team Galatic is trying to conquer the Sinnoh region by acquiring the three legendaries of the lakes, Azelf, Mesprit and Unxie.  Your role is to mind your own business until you bump into Team Galatic’s Headmaster, Cyrus.

You goal now now is to stop Team Galatic and save all of Sinnoh. You are Continue reading

OD’s Awesome Survival Guides – MadWorld

By OD

(Welcome to Death Watch!)


It’s a MadWorld ladies and gentlemen! And it only gets madder as you progress into this blood induced sports game of life and death! Oh and cruel and unusual ways to kill your many victims! But are you becoming the victim of your own routines? Barrel over your head? Enemies blocking and dodging too much? Or are you finding it hard to make a kill to get your score up? OD here, and I’m gonna show you how to make the big bucks and big kills in MadWorld!

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An Ode To…Mario

By GamerChris (Whoa, three posts in a row…)

So you people may be familliar with the last ‘Ode To…’ with my article about Mega Man 9, and this article is in the same light.

Here’s a little ode to the adventures of Mario in Super Mario Bros. Enjoy.

Princess Is In Another Castle

My feet patter below,
As I run through the land,
Through worlds of forests,
of oceans, of sky and of sand.

I leap over objects,
I continue my quest,
I’m the Knight in Shining Armor,
And…Well you know the rest…

Evil has come,
To the place I call home,
I strive to find it, to stop it,
So I continue to roam.

I know I am close,
I can just feel it,
I am not scared,
Not at all, not a bit.

I enter the fortress,
That looms before me,
I can see fire, and flames,
What a bitch that’ll be.

I go through cautiously,
I gotta take it slow,
With all the fireballs and traps,
I watch my steps as I go.

Finally I find him,
The monster that started this all,
I avoid him and cut the bridge,
And into the lava he did fall.

I am happy, I am glad,
But this isn’t the end,
Must find the Princess,
And wounds left to tend.

I enter the next room to find her,
But there’s a Toad with a parcel,
‘Thank you Mario!…
But our princess…is in another castle!’

By Christopher Francis aka GamerChris

I’m sure Mario is going to be thrilled to know that. He’s only been trying to figure out where that bitch was since 1985. – kawaiininjakat

Under the Knife – MadWorld

By OD

(Go on Jack. Make us happy. Make your fans happy.)


Welcome to Death Watch! Only the baddest of the baddest motha fuckas come out alive in this game of death and violence! And I am your master of decapitations, the Bishop of Blood and Carnage! The Black Baron! So whats it gonna be Kill Seeker? You gonna take a bat and send some mo-fo’s into the bulls eye of a dart board?! Or take a bottle of bud and shake it nice and fast and go sending some punks sorry ass into a giant spike?! Maybe you prefer to be a little bit more creative! And instead you put a tire over the poor asshole, then stab a caution sign right through his head, and finish off the mother fucker by throwing him into a wall of spikes a la Rose Bush! Hell yeah pimps and players let’s start it and all you got to worry about is hitting it and quitin it! Ya feel me!

As you can already tell. I love MadWorld. I loved it so much that I impersonated as the Black Baron for a few seconds there. It would of worked if I didn’t run out of things of what the Black Baron would say. Okay enough about how much I love it, let’s see if this game can make you love it!

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Under the Knife – House of the Dead: Overkill

By OD

(I’m gonna rip your mother fucking balls off!)


Put the kids to bed, lock your doors, make sure your profanity hating mother isn’t coming over, and make sure you have enough tissues to clean up the mess when you’re done with this game. House of the Dead is back, and holy shit it is packing more heat than the 4 other HotD titles!  Overkill is the face lift that the series needed, and it didn’t just get a face lift! It completely changed what HotD was! So who here is ready for some Zombie infested, gritty, oldschool, grind house gameplay?

Anyway, House of the Dead: Overkill was created by Headstrong games, a British gaming company who had a die hard obsession with the HotD games. SEGA gave the HotD title to Headstrong and on February 2009, everyone got a piece of what Headstrong games could do with zombies, chicks, profanity, and guns.

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My magic bean has grown tall for Majora’s Mask

alpha.pngBy Alpha
(more ehhh……)

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What can I say about the Legend of Zelda that hasn’t been said before? The series has very rarely ever let me down. Every Zelda title I have ever purchased has at least lived up to it’s price. The series has helped inspire and just hands down elevate the world of video games. From kids dressing up as Link for Halloween to those nerdy mutha fuckas babbling about it’s genius design or it’s “bah bah bad ovverratted gaynezz”, the Legend of Zelda is quite the uhhhh….legend (laugh).

With all of that said, the Legend of Zelda rarely departs from it’s formula. The series manages to keep itself somewhat fresh with each new installment with updated graphics and gameplay mechanics (Ex. “Wow mom, I can finally swing a sword pressing the A button on horseback. I mean, using a bow with a C button was neato, but this is totally well, gollyriffic.”). I’m not saying this is horrible, at least Nintendo tries to change up a few things up. Essentially though, we are all just playing the same game over and over. Then again, that is why most of us have stuck to the series.
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There’s No Place Like Homebrew – Legend of Princess

MY AVATAR (GONZO)by Beeslo

(are we dying, grandpa?)

no-place-like-homebrew-sign1Man, its been forever since I last did my TNPLH review of Still Alive for the DS, but I felt it was time to dust it off and give you all a treat.

For those of you who were alive when the Legend of Zelda II first came out for the NES, you were a little disappointed and confused. It wasn’t the now classic bird’s eye viewpoint, the gameplay was more arcade like and the difficulty was ridiculous. Its not to say that as a stand alone game, it wasn’t a great game. But as a sequel, I felt it personally fell short of the original.

But let’s pretend it hadn’t been released for the NES, but instead was released for the SNES.  Avid homebrew creator, Konjak has done just that by creating a very Zelda II like game but with stunning graphics, terrific music and some of the best fast pace, arcade action since Gunstar Heroes. The game makes no hiding the fact that its a blantant rip-off of Zelda (I mean, its name is Legend of Princess), and it protects itself hilariously by giving the main character pink hair, parodying his victory stance with his sword and best of all, orchestrating a completely “original” musical score which obviously borrows certain melodies from the Zelda franchise.

legend_of_princess2 Continue reading