FYI: You Suck At Left 4 Dead Issue 6

By OD

( Wish he had a copy of L4D right nao )

Misc Media: The Happiest Monster

By Alpha
(Yep, filler, this is filler)

I usually never do these segments. As I was awaiting the sunday comics or at least something to get posted, I noticed that at around 5:oo that nobody was going to post anything. Blame it on a lazy sunday or what not, I took this small problem into my own hands. I searched deep and passionately into my youtube favorites just to find a video worth watching.

Here it is, The Happiest Monster. A short animated film posted 2 years ago by a man named Jonathan Kim. Since I’ve been on internet, I’ve seen many great works from many different artists, Jonathans though, stands out to me personally among them all. Enjoy, and please visit his website. http://persona.mechafetus.com/

Clinically Wiitarded: Retro Review – Lords of Thunder

by FBIRobby
(Link had me by the balls. I had to do this.)

One particular game that’s been inevitably overlooked is the game Lords of Thunder for the TurboGrafx-16. I know, I know, you must be thinking, but remember Clinically Wiitarded also covers Virtual Console titles. So I say HA to you, mister. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s break this underrated shoot-em-up down into delicious, biteable pieces.

Lords of Thunder was actually known as Winds of Thunder in Japan. It was released in 1993 by Hudson Soft (You know, that company that makes Mario Party Games and has that Bumblebee we swear is on crack for its logo) and Red Entertainment (You know, the color of blood.) It’s the sequel to Gate of Thunder. But what the hell, you knew that already, didn’t you?

News of the Now: A Republican’s Wet Dream

By Rayjay
(and you Thought Mccain was going to pick Romney or Huckabee)

I know HealingTouch is not the place for politics But I think this should be brought up anyway!

Well if some of you did not catch it today. McCain picked his running mate, and all I have to say now is that the Republican pick for VP is also eye candy for them.

All I have to say to you McCain Is “Touche”! But, all i need to say to Joe Biden is “Hope you don’t debate her when she is on her period, because she will tear you apart.” I know McCain picked her to get the disenfranchised Hillary vote. But my question is, who is hotter Hillary or Her?

Well I know who wins when you put an ex-beauty queen (Sarah Palin) against an old female hippie (Hillary Clinton.) Now you know who wins too. Now we can all drool over the Republican pick for VP.

Just so you know… even though McCain’s VP is hot, I’m still voting for Obama even with Brockly hating Biden as his VP.

Misc. Media – Ortega Ad Break!

By. HassMD
(Beat that BRO!)

The olympics are over, all the medalists are going back home to say hi to friends and family, while the Chinese Olympians will go back to working at the sweatshops making $0.03 an hour , and the US Olympians will go back to product placement making $3,000,000 an hour….

And what is more American than ORTEGA TACO SAUCE?

Shawn Johnson:I love Ortega’s Taco Sauce… it makes my taco pop…

Did they actually proofread this script before they produced it?

Hey kids, if you want to pop Shawn Johnson’s taco, use Ortega Taco Sauce!

But don’t worry there was plenty more “awkward quotes in food advertisement”…

Flash Game Friday – The Egg

HassMD
(Does not like eggs)

This week’s Flash Game Friday is known simply as “The Egg”

It’s another physics “Marble Machine” type game, where you move around trampolines to position an egg into a bucket, while going through targets. The music is fantastic, and decorating the egg is great. My favorite one is RICK ROLL myself in red. But you can customize it however you like. The game does get harder when you continue, but you can save at any time (just remember to enable cookies while you play)

The thing I did not like is being stuck on a couple levels (I’m on level 5 right now!) so it does prove to be a little difficult. But I am sure you can all complete this. It’s loads of fun, and I know you’re going to enjoy this game. I wish there was a sequal…

PLAY IT NOW!

Overall this game really is EGG-celent

That’s why Alpha is above me now on the “Staff List”  :(

9.5/10

Misc. Media: Laser Cats

By OD
(Cause my PEWPEWPEW is better then your PEWPEWPEW Link! )

Since we got all this hub bub bub with Lasers and animals, lets introduce some of SNL’s very own approach to lasers and animals…..Enjoy.

Intro Bonanza: Captain Planet

By Mr.Death (Every Period Is A Link)

In honor of the nineteenth week anniversary of Earth Day, I’ve decided to do a little thing on the world’s greatest superhero, Captain Planet! Here is the world famous intro.

Inspiring! Just makes me wanna get into some 80′s/90′s era clothing and fight pollution. So let’s get into the nitty gritty here. This intro tells you exactly what you need to know about the show. The world is in peril! So the world (who is a girl, by the way. Not what I was taught in science class...) decides to get a sort of UN of children to save the earth. I would love to see this sort of thing go over in real life.

Russian Girl: I think ve should summon Captain Planet to help us...

US Boy: I think you should SHOVE YOUR COMMIE IDEAS AWAY, BITCH!

Outpatient Article: Under the Knife – Video Edition: School Days

by Otakucrave
(He’s an affiliate and an outpatient!)

Misc. Media: F’ed Up Media – DOGS + LASERS

by Link
(PEWPEWPEW)

Alpha asked me where I find this stuff, so I figured I’d post up an even more crazy video created by the same mind behind Beauty Kit for Little Girls. Expect a few more of these throughout the week.

EXTREME Trial & Error: Tales of Vesperia demo

by OtakuDad
(feel free to tell me I love dongs if you disagree)

So hey, I feel like explaining why the Tales of Vesperia demo is total trash, and why the game will be shit, and why even though the “Tales of” series sucks shit anyway they still fucked it up even worse than usual for this one.

Misc. Geekery – Wake n’ Bacon

by Link
(Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot… that’s it. I don’t see what’s so hard to believe about that.)

So, you hate Alarms, they’re annoying as shit right? Well, how about waking up to a smell instead of a sound?! Sounds too good to be true right? Nope! That’s where Wake n’ Bacon comes in! Instead of a blaring noise, you awake to the smell of delicious meaty breakfast! How is this possible? Well, I’ll just let Matty Sallin, Daniel Bartolini, Hsiao-huh Hsu (the creators of Wake n’ Bacon) explain it to you!

A frozen strip of bacon is placed in Wake n’ Bacon the night before. Because there is a 10 minute cooking time, the clock is set to go off 10 minutes before the desired waking time. Once the alarm goes off, the clock it sends a signal to a small speaker to generate the alarm sound. We hacked the clock so that the signal is re-routed by a microchip that in responds by sending a signal to a relay that throws the switch to power two halogen lamps that slow-cook the bacon in about 10 minutes.

I’m sold! The only complaint I could possibly have is a single strip of bacon isn’t nearly enough to satiate my savage hunger.

Official Wake n’ Bacon Page

Misc. Media – F’ed Up Edition: Beauty Kit for Little Girls

by Link
(Breast augmentations are fun and easy! Just ask Dr. Salvador!)

Words can not describe what you are about to watch.

Pure Genius.

Rusty’s Top Ten Movies of All Time

By Rusty
(Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?)

I enjoy movies. With that being said there are some movies that invariably end up becoming favorites. Treasured classics in my collection that end up being watched again and again. I’ve decided to list my top ten personal favorite movies. This isn’t by any means the top ten movies ever, it is just the movies I enjoy the most. I’ll probably do top tens for specific genres at some point down the road. You won’t find The Godfather or Citizen Kane on this list. Don’t get me wrong, they’re good movies, but they arn’t the type that I want to watch again and again.

Alrighty with that out of the way here is number 10.

# 10. Darkman

Darkman was Sam Raimi’s first big studio film. Originally Raimi wanted to adapt The Shadow into a movie. However, he was unsuccessful and he decided to make his own superhero. This movie has a lot of Raimi trademarks in it (his brother Ted plays one of the bad guys and Bruce Campbell makes a cameo). It has a wacky dark comedy to it, while still being an action/thriller movie. Liam Neeson, Larry Drake, and a pre-Fargo Frances McDormand all star in Darkman.

Dr. Peyton Westlake (Neeson) is developing a synthetic skin for burn victims. The skin however can only last 99 minutes in the light. His girlfriend, lawyer Julie Hastings (McDormand) comes upon incriminating evidence proving that bribes have been given to zoning commission officials. Unfortunately mobster Robert G. Durant wants the documents. Hastings leaves the incriminating evidence at Weslakes lab/apartment. Durant shows up with his goons and kills Westlake’s assistant and leaves Westlake for dead. The rig the lab to explode. Westlake survives the explosion, but is horribly disfigured. He is though to be dead. Thanks to a revolutionary medical procedure, he is given super strength and the ability to take alot of physical damage. However, he is emotionally unstable. He dons himself a trench coat and fedora and calls himself the Darkman, seeking revenge on Durant.

Weekly AMV – Perfect Drug

by Beeslo

(he hast returned!)

Hey guys! I’m back! First off, I’d like to thank Link for keeping this feature running in my abscence. Not only did he do a fairly decent job of posting it on time, but he did an awesome job finding many AMV’s (some not anime related) that just kicked ass. So if you enjoyed his AMV’s, let him know! And if you were scared of them, well fear not…things will return to normal.

Well as normal as they can get. I decided to show you one of my absolute favorite AMV’s to mark my return to Weekly AMV. I had actually forgotten about this AMV until a couple days ago when I was watching the Olympics. Between the competitors, there was music being played on the PA system and it was during one of the intreval periods that I heard a piece that immediately flooded my head with memories of this song and this particular AMV.

Gainax, who made Neon Genesis Evangelion, came out with an odd little anime called FLCL (or Furi Kuri or Fooly Cooly or whatever the hell you want to call it). Like its title, this anime was just plain odd. Odd…doesn’t really describe it well enough. Lets say you drop some acid (Editor’s Note: HealingTouch does not condone the use of illegal, psychedilc drugs) and you have a ridiculous trip complete with wild colors, odd characters, and physics that defy Einstein. Well just take that bad acid trip and multiply it by 1,000. That’s what this anime is like.

Well needless to say, finding a song to match the imagery and odd themes of this anime would be quite a huge feat. At least I believed that until I came across this one.

After watching this, you’ll probably wonder how I could have ever forgotten it.

Warning: Turn down your speakers unless you want to be blown out of your chair…

Well as always, if you enjoyed that, let me know! Either leave a comment below or click on the Discuss button below and tell me what you thought in our forums. Also if you have a suggestion for a future AMV, feel free to drop me a line in the afore mentioned forums or simply send my a PM. And please…if you liked this, please click the DIGG button below. It helps us so much and all you have to do is click on it!

So please, DIGG us!