Survival Guide #11: Hit & Run

 

by Awesome The Hedgehog (S-M-R-T… I mean…).

 

Here’s a funny little one. The Simpsons: Hit & Run. Now, you’re probably thinking “Awesome, you’re a fucking dick head, please stick to games that are hard and we n00bs need to beat to have some status in the forums.” Well, this game is actually pretty hard to the average gamer and collecting everything (Which has become a staple in The Simpsons games) 100% can be a tough cookie to crack.

 

The story? Well, Aliens have invaded Earth and are feeding humans “New & Improved Buzz Cola” to brainwash them into doing stupid things which makes great material for their new intergalactic comedy. So the family picks up on Kang & Kodos’ shenanigans and attempts to thwart their plans. (Ooh, look at me and my vocabulary!). So the game is 7 levels worth of GTA rip-off-ery, but fun as hell and lost of replay value time well spent collecting stuff that ultimately leads nowhere. NOW GO CUT YOURSELF!

1) Cars

Cars will soon become your only means of transport, considering walking on foot is absolutely futile (However, unlike GTA you don’t run out of breath). When you start in any area, your character’s signature car will be there, right by your side. Drive away, but if you damage your car too much it will explode, forcing you out of the car (However, once again, unlike GTA your car is still drivable…but this makes it annoying and difficult to handle, which makes you wonder why they bothered putting it in). Driving is necessary to do anything in this game, take anyone’s car, buy a car and drive the damn thing to where you wanna go.

2) Driving Missions

So, I’ve just been talking about cars and now driving missions. Why am I separating cars from the car missions? Because they are in fact, pretty different. Driving missions usually consist of races, checkpoints, destroying other vehicles and following other cars. Driving missions can be a bitch, especially in Apu’s areas and upwards. Try failing the mission first and then get a good idea of what you’re doing, especially when people try to fuck with you. One missions is following Prof. Frink going round and round the Bowling alley in his super powered jet car. What a bastard. In missions where you need to get away from a cop or someone, fail the mission then get in a car far, far away from the dude you need to escape from. He will already have lost you by the time you get in a car. Awesome.

3) Money

Money, or buzz cola tokens are you currency in the game. It is very important you find as much as you can, because in later missions you will need all of it. Costumes? They look cool, but believe it or not, you actually need some to continue to game and they don’t give them away for free! The same applies with cars! The Plow King, among others are cars you need to buy for driving missions. It seems everything revolves around money and luckily there’s lots of it, only hidden. Sometimes behind houses and in creates and in vending machines. Just ram a car into them and they’ll automatically jump into you. Try to find at least 500 coins per area and keep them, unless you’re prompted to have more.

4) General Missions

General missions. Yeah, stuff like going around collecting monkeys, tomatoes, cola etc. All it really is, about 95% of the time, is collecting. It may involve a little driving, but you’ve gotta stop off and collect this or that. And it really boils down to a repetitive annoyance. Why would I make a point about this? Because, I gotta a tell you, this is the big one about Hit & Run. Speed. Be like roadrunner on every general mission and most of the driving missions. Almost every mission has a timer and if you skip a mission…skip a mission on a freaking Simpson’s game…then; you’re really not a good gamer are you?

5) Gags

Gags. The somewhat funny part of the game, this is for all you perfectionists out there. Find them all and I mean not just the gags, the collector cards, everything. Why? Because you get to see a poorly done Itchy & Scratchy cartoon that was already in a Simpson’s episode, but now with no gore. AWESOME!!!  Collector cards will ease the pain of the all the Simpsons freaks out there who like the little sign gags and stuff. It’s very cool to look at them and read the little quotes from the episodes. Look for stuff like that on top of air vents and rooftops. It’s hidden, but it’s obviously hidden.

6) Hit & Run

The gimmick of the game, it basically amounts to a 6 star rating on GTA. The meter in the bottom corner will raise when you beat up helpless city folk, vandalize or anything. When the meter is full, a pack of vicious police cars will hunt you down in the retarded way possible. These guys will actually run over the same people you did, which caused them to chase you in the first place. What a bunch of assholes. If these guys catch you (by trapping you into a wall with 3 cars) they will steal a lot of your money as a bribe, like GTA. Now, I’m not gonna say, do your best to avoid getting a Hit & Run, because sometimes, its unavoidable. Especially timed driving missions at the docks, where it’s absolutely crowded. Just try to get away as fast as you can, keep your eye always on the meter every few moments.

I’m not great at wrapping these up, so I’ll just end with some Simpsons quotes. Enjoy.

 

Dr. Nick: “Holy smokes! You need booze!”

 

Grampa: “Me and Frostillicus go back a long way! I used to share a bathroom with Frostillicus. In fact, I got a real funny story about that. Actually it’s not so much funny as it is long…”

 

More Grampa: “My Homer is not a communist.  He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.”

 

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer’s Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer’s Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

5 Comments

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI